Carpe Diem

[giles]

Spartacus and I took the long way to the precinct, since I didn’t really have to be to work for hours, but after the morning I just had with Cam, there wasn’t anywhere else I’d rather be if she didn’t want to be home with me. Sure, we weren’t in love or anything, well, I wasn’t quite sure what I felt for her. I was pretty sure I was falling for her. No, I was sure I had already fallen, and the worst part is, I was sure she was as well, but because of her stubborn pride, I didn’t know if she’d ever be able to open up enough to let me in.

“I know, Spartacus. I’m dick!” I shook my head. I’d never wanted to fall in love. Falling in love was a hard thing and it could hurt so many people. Yes, most people thought falling in love was the most amazing thing in the world, but I’ve learned that loving some one only brings pain. But I was finding it more and more probable that I was helplessly in love with her, and I didn’t want not to be. I was going to do everything I could to keep a hold of her.

My phone went off at my side just as I was walking in the doors to my office. Spartacus jumped up on the couch and I took my phone out, looking at the display on my phone. It was a text message, from none other than my AWOL wife. I smiled, looking at the message and leaning back in my chair. She was worried about me. I couldn’t help but laugh. More and more I was sure that she was falling in love with me. I loved it and I was going to milk it for all it’s worth.

I turned off my phone, putting it in the top drawer of my desk. If she wanted me, she knew exactly where to find me. And I knew if she did, she’d only prove what I was sure about to begin with. She was falling as deep in love with me as I was with her and I loved it. She was probably hating every moment of this, but I was going to milk it for all it’s worth.

[Camryn Benson-Giles]

I came to the doors of the police station, I was fuming angry. He was an asshole! Why didn’t he answer my text? He was doing it to drive me crazy! I knew it. I hated that he thought he could mess with me like this! I stumbled inside, the vodka on an empty stomach I had at the bar was hitting me hard. I walked to the desk. “Ciao, I’m here to see Sheldon Giles.” The officer smiled, obviously recognizing me and I don’t know why but that made me angry and happy at the same time. This bi-polar love bullshit was driving me insane.

“Aww, Mrs. Giles! Ill take you right to him.” I gritted my teeth and smiled. I hated being called Mrs. Giles, but Sheldon insisted that I change my name, it was the only way our plan would work. Not that it was even MY plan, but still, I decided to go through with it and I wasn’t going to back out now even if it drove me bonkers. “That would be perfect.” I smiled softly, following him as we walked down a hallway. Halfway down the hall I realized he was fine and this trip was a complete and total waste, if an officer wasn’t showing me to his office, I would have ditched out on checking on him all together. He knocked on the door, opening and smiling.

“Your wife is here, Giles.” I smiled to the man as he gave Sheldon a wink, I rolled my eyes and walked past him inside. He probably thought I was here for an impromptu rendezvous in the middle of the day. Not that us having sex would ever happen again, but he could believe what he wanted. He shut the door and disappeared. I placed my hands on my hips, glaring at Sheldon. “I don’t find you ignoring me funny! I was trying to make sure you were ok!” I stepped forward, stumbling a bit. Yep, no more alcohol for me again. I sat down in the chair across his desk.

“Not that I care much if you are. But, I know if Shelby was here,” I swallowed, just saying her name still tore at my heart. “she’d want to know if you were safe, so, here I am, dragging myself from work,” Ok, so that was sort of a lie, but he didn’t need to know that. “to make sure you're ok.” I stand up, stumbling a bit, almost falling over the chair. I smooth my skirt out, trying to make my self less obvious. If he knew I was drunk, im sure id never hear the end of it. “Now that I know, im leaving.”

[giles]

Laced my fingers behind my head, closing my eyes. I kicked my feet up on the desk and breathed in deeply. I could almost feel Camryn’s beautiful, naked body pressed against mine. I could almost feel her riding my cock. She felt so good. I wanted her so bad. Over and over again. I wanted to get inside her and push so deep inside I’d never be able to get out. I could feel the way her pussy muscles gripped around my throbbing cock and it almost made my cock burst right through my pants. God, just thinking about her was driving me crazy.

I heard catcalls and whooping and hollering coming from out in the dog pen. One thing that I liked about Italians, when they saw something hot walking down the street, or even down the hall of a respectable office, they made no bones about letting that fine piece of ass know that she was in fact one tasty treat. I had been no exception. I guess that’s why I felt I got along so well with the men around here. We were one of a kind. Were. I wasn’t so much anymore, not since I started falling for my wife.

I looked up, hearing a knock on the door a moment before it opened. Gianni popped his head in the door, announcing before opening the door to let her in, “Your wife is here, Giles.” He winked at me, letting Camryn walk in. I kept my feet up on the desk as I nodded to Gianni. “Close the door, please, Gianni.”

[/I] He snickered a bit and I couldn’t help do the same, especially when I saw Camryn struggle to get from the door to the chair across from my desk. I opened my eyes widely at her. Either this was pre-show jitters, or I had made her worry too much. My money was on the latter.

“I don’t find you ignoring me funny! I was trying to make sure you were ok!” She said before almost falling into the chair. “Not that I care much if you are. But, I know if Shelby was here,” I swallowed, sitting forward and letting my feet drop to the floor, “she’d want to know if you were safe, so, here I am, dragging myself from work,” I narrowed my eyes in on her, work? Right!, “to make sure you're ok.” she stood up, almost falling back into the chair, trying to cover it up. But I knew best. She was drunk. “Now that I know, I’m leaving.”

I stood up from my desk, walking around to her, pulling her into my arms. I looked down into her beautiful brown eyes, smiling. “Thank you for coming to check on me. I have my phone turned off. I didn’t mean to worry you, baby.” I smiled, rubbing her back softly. “Pre-show jitters? Had to burry them in a couple shots?” I kissed her forehead softly, holding her close to me, rubbing it in even more. “Poor baby. Don’t worry. I’ll be there to support you every minute of the show. I wouldn’t let my wife down on opening night.”[/blockquote]

[Camryn Benson-Giles]

Just as I turned to walk away, I felt his arms wrap around my waist. I didn’t want him to hold me, damnit! I just wanted him to leave me alone. The miserable bastard wanted me to worry about him and I did and now I was feeling like an idiot for coming here! He looked down at me and I glared back at him. He was enjoying every second of this. “Thank you for coming to check on me. I have my phone turned off. I didn’t mean to worry you, baby.”

He ran his hand over my back, I sighed, rolling my eyes. I wasn’t his baby. I would never be. “Pre-show jitters? Had to burry them in a couple shots?” He kissed my forehead and I almost smacked him. How dare he! I drank because he was driving me nuts, not because of my job! “Poor baby. Don’t worry. I’ll be there to support you every minute of the show. I wouldn’t let my wife down on opening night.” I pulled back, glaring.

“Hush, their isn’t anyone around so stop it. I don’t like you calling me your wife. In my heart I’m not!” I pulled away from him, walking around the chair. Putting the chair between us and folding my arms over my chest. “I drank because I regret sleeping with you. I knew I would. It was a stupid thing on my part. But, I can promise it wont happen ever again!” I glared at him, looking away. “I’m truly angry with myself for falling for your stupid tricks.” I wrinkled my brow, sighing heavily.

“I think its time for me to sleep on the couch now. I cant sleep in the bed with you anymore. Its putting to much strain on me.” I shrugged my shoulders, keeping my eyes off him. I knew it was because sleeping in bed with him was making me attached and I didn’t want that to happen, not now, not ever. I was unattainable and I liked it that way.

[giles]

“Hush, their isn’t anyone around so stop it. I don’t like you calling me your wife. In my heart I’m not!” She stepped out of my arms, walking around the chair she had been sitting on. She crossed her arms across her chest, speaking to me coldly. “I drank because I regret sleeping with you.” My eyes widened and I couldn’t believe what she was saying. She regretted sleeping with me. I knew that wasn’t it. She hated it because she was falling for me the same way I was falling for her. I knew it was true. She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t true.

“I knew I would. It was a stupid thing on my part. But, I can promise it wont happen ever again!” She glared at me, seriously pissed, but I knew it wasn’t at me. It was at herself for ever letting me in. “I’m truly angry with myself for falling for your stupid tricks.” I nodded. I was right. I knew she was mad at her self, but there were no goddamned tricks here. I wasn’t trying to trick her. I’d used my tricks before with women and they were jumping into bed with me the first night. I respected Cam, more than she would ever know.

“I think its time for me to sleep on the couch now. I can’t sleep in the bed with you anymore. Its putting to much strain on me.” Spartacus growled from the couch. He didn’t like that idea either. He knew I hadn’t been able to sleep before she came along, and it wasn’t just losing Shelb. I had never slept before having her in bed with me and if she insisted on this, I would continue not to get any sleep. She was acting irrational about this. We were married, and whether she liked it or not, she was falling in love with me and this marriage was more real than she ever intended on it being.

“You know what, Miss Prima Donna?” I said, looking to snag her attention. “I didn’t use no goddamned tricks to get you into my bed. If I HAD, you would have been in it the night we married! You and I both know the only reason anything happened between us today was because we both wanted it! You know it, and I know it! You wanna know what’s more,” I continued, not letting up at all. She was getting the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me god, and she was going to deal with it.

“The truth is, I’ve fallen for you, ok? There it is. You heard it. I’ve fallen in love with you. There’s no tricks, no ulterior motives. I’m head over heels in love with you. I don’t want you sleeping on the couch. I’d sleep on the goddamned couch before I’d let a woman I love sleep on that damned couch. I’ve never been in love before, but I knew there was only one certain kind of woman I could ever fall for, and guess what, that’s you. I’ve fallen for you. I love you. Did you hear me?” I stepped closer to her, kicking the chair out of the way, pulling her back into my arms, making her look at me. “I love you, Camryn!”

[Camryn Benson-Giles]

“You know what, Miss Prima Donna?” My head shot up, I was shocked, shocked he had the nerve to speak to me like that! “I didn’t use no goddamned tricks to get you into my bed. If I HAD, you would have been in it the night we married!” I glared at him, hating him more by the second. How dare he treat me this way. I didn’t appreciate it one bit. “You and I both know the only reason anything happened between us today was because we both wanted it! You know it, and I know it! You wanna know what’s more,” I glared at him, folding my arms tighter over my chest.

“What?” I spat at him, anger building more and more inside me, like a volcano ready to erupt. “The truth is, I’ve fallen for you, ok? There it is. You heard it. I’ve fallen in love with you. There’s no tricks, no ulterior motives. I’m head over heels in love with you.” My mouth dropped open, my eyes following suit and opening just as wide, if not more. “I don’t want you sleeping on the couch. I’d sleep on the goddamned couch before I’d let a woman I love sleep on that damned couch. I’ve never been in love before, but I knew there was only one certain kind of woman I could ever fall for, and guess what, that’s you. I’ve fallen for you. I love you. Did you hear me?”

He stepped closer, literally kicking the chair between us aside, I took a tiny step back, scared. I wasn’t sure what I was scared of, his attitude or what he was saying. He grabbed my arms, forcing me to look up at him. Something I really didn’t want to do. “I love you, Camryn!” I stared up at him, my heart pounding so loud in my chest I could feel it in my head. I stared up at him for what felt like forever, I was shocked, angered and turned on by his attitude, God help me, I think I may just love him too.

I shook my head, answering my own question, I pulled away from him. “Stop.” I stepped back, my back hitting the wall of his office. “You don’t say that to me!” I turned my head away, closing my eyes, trapping the tears behind them. A single tear rolled down my cheek, I brushed it away quickly, looking back at him. “You’re a liar. Like any other man. All you want is to fuck me.” I looked at the chair on the ground, tensing up, I hated the thought of his temper getting that bad on me. “I’m going home. I don’t belong here. And when I say home, I mean my place.” I grabbed the handle to his office and turned it, planning on walking out.

[giles]

She stared up at me and I could ell that I had shocked her more than, well, no, I had intended on my words to shock her. I wanted to shock her as much as this revelation has shocked me. I never meant to fall in love with he, but I have. I’ve fallen completely in love with her and I intended to stay this way. I intended to make this marriage real and make her my wife in more ways than one. We had already taken the first step earlier by falling into bed together. I wanted her and there was no way I was giving her up.

She shook her head before pulling away from me. “Stop,” she demanded, taking a step back from me. She ran directly into the wall. “You don’t say that to me!” My eyes widened immensely. “What? Don’t’ tell you I’m in love with you?” She turned away from me for a moment before looking back at me, obviously to gain her composure. “You’re a liar. Like any other man. All you want is to fuck me.” She looked down at the chair I had kicked aside before stepping to the side of me to leave. From the look on her face, I could tell she was scared. What at, I wasn’t too sure about.

“I’m going home. I don’t belong here. And when I say home, I mean my place.” She grabbed the handle to the door about ready to leave before I stood behind her, pushing the door shut. Her protest came, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me. I turned her to face me, pushing her up against the wall. “No, Cam, I’m sorry, but you’ve got this all wrong. If I JUST wanted to fuck you, I would have said these words when we were in the shower this morning. But I didn’t, you know why?”

I ran my fingers through her hair, shaking my head. “Because I didn’t want you to feel this way. I didn’t want you to feel like I only wanted that from you. I want so much from you. I want this marriage to be real. I want us to be a real married couple. I want us to go to bed every night wrapped in each other’s arms. I want to wake up with you still wrapped in my arms. I want to call you in the middle of the day and say, ‘Hey, baby. I love you. I miss you. How’s your day?’ I want all of that and so much more with you. I just want to be with you.”

And with that, I didn’t say anything else. I pressed my lips to hers, pressing my body against hers and wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me. I loved her, God help me I loved her. I wanted to show her. And we didn’t even have to have sex. It wasn’t about that. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and I knew that was going to be the only way to stave off this feeling in my heart, that feeling where if I didn’t hold her, I’d die from not holding her.

[Camryn Benson-Giles]

The door opened, but before I could walk out, it was slammed shut, I sighed heavily, going to pull at it again. I didn’t want to play this game, but apparently he did. He grabbed my arms, spinning me till I was facing him and pushing me up against the wall. My breath caught in my throat and my mouth dropped open. “No, Cam, I’m sorry, but you’ve got this all wrong. If I JUST wanted to fuck you, I would have said these words when we were in the shower this morning. But I didn’t, you know why?”

I took in a shaky breath. I was scared of the way he was putting his hands on me, I knew it had nothing to do with him. It was all me and my own personal fears, but I didn’t like it. I didn’t like how rough he was being. He gently ran his fingers through my hair, shaking his head. “Because I didn’t want you to feel this way. I didn’t want you to feel like I only wanted that from you. I want so much from you. I want this marriage to be real. I want us to be a real married couple. I want us to go to bed every night wrapped in each other’s arms. I want to wake up with you still wrapped in my arms. I want to call you in the middle of the day and say, ‘Hey, baby. I love you. I miss you. How’s your day?’ I want all of that and so much more with you. I just want to be with you.” I closed my eyes, trapping tears.

I wanted that, I did, but God, it scared the living hell out of me. I opened my eyes, opening my mouth to say something when his lips crashed against mine and his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I struggled at first, wanting to fight it, but somehow, I couldn’t, I was completely lost in the way his lips felt. In the way his hands against my back felt. I pulled back, shoving him away. “Stop it,” I cried, rubbing at my lips, tears rolling quickly down my cheeks. “Just stop it!” I brushed the tears away, but I wasn’t fast enough, they were coming to fast.

“I don’t want that. I want you to leave me alone! I don’t love you. I never will.” I lowered my eyes, not being able to hold his eye contact. Sure, I was hurting, but why? If what I was saying was true, why was I hurting? “Just leave me alone.” I whispered, folding my arms tightly over my chest, my eyes on the floor, tears flowing freely, even though I hated it. I hated that I was scared of falling in love again after Dean that I was still pushing someone who I was sure did care about me away. But, after Dean, I swore I'd never let anyone else in and I meant it. Even Sheldon.

[giles]

She pulled away from me, pushing me back just for good measure. “Stop it,” she cried, wiping our kiss off of her lips. She was crying and I hated that she was crying. “Just stop it!” I knew she didn’t want to be crying, especially in front of me. “I don’t want that. I want you to leave me alone! I don’t love you. I never will.” No matter how many times she told me that, I wasn’t going to believe her. She had come down here to see me today. It hadn’t been the other way around. I didn’t search her out. She had come to me, to my office.

I stepped back toward her and she whispered, wrapping her arms over her chest. “Just leave me alone.” She was crying even more. I lifted my hand to her chin, lifting her chin so she was looking at me. I shook my head softly. “You don’t have to be afraid, baby.” I placed both of my hands on either side of her face, rubbing at her tears with my thumbs. Her tears hurt me. I didn’t like seeing her cry, especially if there was some possibility that I could get her to stop crying. I had to at least try.

I knew what she’d been through. I knew all about her history with her last boyfriend, and I wasn’t going to be the jerk to hurt her again. “I love you, ok. This isn’t some plot or some ploy just to get you to fall into my arms and into my bed. I’m in love with you. I want to take care of you. I want you to see that I’m her for you and I’m not going anywhere. I love you and I know I always will. I’ve never bee in love before, but I know I’m in love with you. I know I love you and I know I will always be in love with you.”

I smiled slightly, pressing my lips to her forehead. “I would never hurt you. You’re way too important. I realize now that you’ve actually always been important to me. Ever since Shelb started talking about you. I knew I wanted you, and not just to fuck! I knew I wanted to do so much more. I wanted to hold you, I wanted to take all the pain of your life away from you. Jus wanted to be the man that you needed instead of a man who was going to hurt you and leave you feeling broken. I love you so much and I always will.” I kissed the side of her mouth softly, whispering, “Please believe me.”

[Camryn Benson-Giles]

He lifted his hand, bringing it to my chin and making me look up at him. I wanted to run around screaming the whole way but my feet would not move an inch. “You don’t have to be afraid, baby.” He brought both hands up to each side of my head, rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks, brushing my tears away and I felt so damn weak. I hated it. I did not like being weak, especially in front of someone who could easily use it against me. In front of someone who could take my own tears and hurt me with them. Sure, he might not do that, but all men were jackasses, all of them could care less about women unless they were fucking them. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, wishing I could melt into the wall and disappear forever.

“I love you, ok. This isn’t some plot or some ploy just to get you to fall into my arms and into my bed. I’m in love with you. I want to take care of you. I want you to see that I’m her for you and I’m not going anywhere. I love you and I know I always will. I’ve never bee in love before, but I know I’m in love with you. I know I love you and I know I will always be in love with you.” I swallowed, closing my eyes, taking a sharp breath. I hated the thought of letting him, but at the same time, this closeness, the feelings running through me was like my own personal sun and I wanted it to go on forever. He pressed his lips against my forehead and I let out a shaky breath. His words, his lips, his hands, his voice were all stirring something deep inside me; something I thought had been long since dead.

“I would never hurt you. You’re way too important. I realize now that you’ve actually always been important to me. Ever since Shelb started talking about you. I knew I wanted you, and not just to fuck! I knew I wanted to do so much more. I wanted to hold you, I wanted to take all the pain of your life away from you. Jus wanted to be the man that you needed instead of a man who was going to hurt you and leave you feeling broken. I love you so much and I always will.” I don’t know if I was hurt that Shelby told my secret or that, I understood her telling. Either way I was slowly starting to melt against Sheldon. He kissed the side of my mouth and I had to stand straighter so I did not fall over.

“Please believe me.” I opened my eyes slowly, looking up at him. “I do believe you.” I whispered, my legs trembling under me. “That’s what scares me the most, I do believe you. Every word.” I looked away, pulling from his grasp, walking around him, wiping the tears away. “But,” I said turning to face him. “I don’t love you. I’m not capable of loving anyone. It’s not in me. It never has been. I’ve never been enough for anyone. I’ve never loved anyone enough.” I ran my hands over my arms. “Even before Dean, he just reminded me I wasn’t enough for anyone. I’m only capable of loving myself.” I stepped back, hearing Dean’s words in my head; I could feel the way his hand felt against my face. I closed my eyes, one hand slowly placing against my own cheek. “Ill never love anyone enough.”

[giles]

She looked up at me and I could still see she was guarding herself. I wanted her to open up to me completely. I wanted her to let herself go to me. I wanted her to be able to say the words back I knew she was feeling, but I also knew she was too scared to feel. I knew ho badly she was afraid of being hurt, and I wanted to be the one to prove to her that she didn’t deserve to be hurt. She didn’t deserve to be neglected, she didn’t deserve to be kicked around and treated like she was less tha she was. She was the most amazing woman I’ve ever known and I intended on treating her that way. She deserved that and so much more.

“I do believe you.” she whispered, and I could feel her trembling against me like a leaf. “That’s what scares me the most, I do believe you. Every word.” She pulled away from me, and I let my forehead lean against the wall, not in defeat, but just enough to pull my resolve. I was never giving up on her, but she was making it difficult, even though now I could tell even more that she wanted to give into me, she wanted to give into what she wanted herself, but I knew she had been far too hurt before to just easily let me in. It would take time, and it was time I was willing to devote to her. I wanted to devote all of my time and energy into her just like she deserved, and I was going to.

“But,” she said, as I heard her turning back around to face me, so I turned to give her the same. She needed all my attention. She needed to know I was here listening to every word that rolled off of her perfect lips. “I don’t love you.” I didn’t believe that. I couldn’t believe that. I knew otherwise. I knew she felt the same way I did. I could see it in her eyes. I could feel it when we made love earlier. Yes, we made love. That wasn’t just a really good fuck, that was true love making and we both knew it. There was no way I was going to back down because I knew what I felt and nothing was going to stop it.

“I’m not capable of loving anyone. It’s not in me. It never has been. I’ve never been enough for anyone. I’ve never loved anyone enough.” I shook my head. I could feel the self-doubt emanating off of her body. “Even before Dean, he just reminded me I wasn’t enough for anyone. I’m only capable of loving myself.” She took a step back from me, closing her eyes as she raised her hand to her face, almost as if some one had just slapped her. I knew she had to be reliving something, thinking about something that that monster had done to her. I stepped forward as she continued to speak.

“I’l never love anyone enough.” I shook my head, rubbing her arms with her. “That’s not true, Cam. I know some where deep down inside of you, you have the heart of a woman, able and eager to love freely, openly.” I stepped closer to her, pulling her into my arms. “But I’m not going to pressure you. Let me carry the love for the both of us. I know how you feel. You’re not selfish and you’re not self-centered. You’re guarded, and I understand that. Believe me I do.”

I rubbed her back softly, brushing my lips over her forehead. “I love you, and I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got enough love to hold us both. When you’re ready, then you’ll be able to express the love I know you have inside of you, but until that time comes, you can depend on me. I’m yours. You’re my wife, in every sense of the word and I am going to give you the life you deserve. You’re never going to be lonely and you’re never going to feel like you’re worthless, because to me, you could never be worthless. I love you and I’m here for you. Forever.” I pressed my lips softly to her forehead, keeping her close to me, showing her that I meant what I was saying, helping her calm down even more. I knew she needed me and I wasn’t going anywhere. I was here for her.

[Camryn Benson-Giles]

He stepped closer, reaching out and rubbing his hands over my arms. “That’s not true, Cam. I know some where deep down inside of you, you have the heart of a woman, able and eager to love freely, openly.” He stepped even closer to me, slowly pulling my body against his and wrapping his arms around me. I closed my eyes, settling just slightly against him. “But I’m not going to pressure you. Let me carry the love for the both of us. I know how you feel. You’re not selfish and you’re not self-centered. You’re guarded, and I understand that. Believe me I do.”

He rubbed my back, brushing his lips very lightly against my forehead and I closed my eyes, relaxing even more against him. “I love you, and I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got enough love to hold us both. When you’re ready, then you’ll be able to express the love I know you have inside of you, but until that time comes, you can depend on me. I’m yours. You’re my wife, in every sense of the word and I am going to give you the life you deserve. You’re never going to be lonely and you’re never going to feel like you’re worthless, because to me, you could never be worthless. I love you and I’m here for you. Forever.”

He gently pushed his lips against my forehead, I let out a content sigh. I had never loved being in someone else’s arms like this before and I was completely satisfied and I was loving every minute of it. I looked up at him, smiling slightly, before resting my forehead against his chest. “Shel---, Giles, I…” I sighed gently, letting my head rock back and forth against his chest. “I’m so sorry, for everything. For how many I was to you. My diva attitude. For everything. You never deserved that.” I looked up at him, licking slightly at my bottom lip.

“You deserve someone who treats you as well as you treat them and I am going to try hard to be that girl for you.” I smiled up at him, for the first time in my entire life being one hundred genuine with my need and want to be better, to be a better person, for him. Sure, it wouldn’t be easy, but I would try, for him, because he did love me, even if I was sure I didn’t love him just yet. Or maybe I did and behind the wall in front of my heart was love for him, either way I wanted to try.

[giles]

I heard her sigh contently and I couldn’t help but smile slightly. I loved the sound of her sigh. I’d listen to her breathe as she would sleep and occasionally in her sleep, she would sigh and it would make me smile as I watched her. She was so beautiful. I couldn’t keep track of all the times she’s made me smile. I can’t believe it took me this long to realize I was in love with her. It’s been coming on for a while now, and I can’t believe I JUST realized it this morning.

She laid her forehead against my chest and I couldn’t help but run my hand over the back of her head. “Shel---, Giles, I…” she shook her head against my chest, “I’m so sorry, for everything. For how many I was to you. My diva attitude. For everything. You never deserved that.” She looked up at me, licking her lip softly. I smiled down at her, lifting my thumb to brush over that lip. “You deserve someone who treats you as well as you treat them and I am going to try hard to be that girl for you.” I loved her determination. I loved how she thought she had to be better than what she was, but she already was better than what she thought she was.

I knew she had so much love in her heart, and in her own way, she’s done things that have showed me that she did in fact love me. Even if she didn’t realize it herself. I hadn’t even realized it myself, so I would be patient in waiting for her to realize it herself. No woman would charge down to her husband’s office just to see that he’s ok if she didn’t love him. She could make all the excuses she wanted, but anyone could see how much she loved me. It was apparent. And I loved it!

“Baby,” I said, rubbing her back softly. “You don’t have to be sorry. I want you. I’ve fallen in love with you, and if anything, I’m not the man you deserve, but I’m going to do everything in my power to be the man you deserve.” I kissed the top of her head. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. We can start fresh now. We’re in love. We’re a happily newly married couple, what a perfect beginning for both of us!” I lifted her chin to look straight into my eyes. “I love you, only you. I’m so thankful for you as my wife. I couldn’t have married a better woman!”